I’ve never really been a natural conversationalist. Most people who know me would be quick to describe me as a good listener, and one who doesn’t speak unless I have a very strong opinion about something (at which point everyone jumps from the sound of my voice because they forgot I was even there). And that’s around people I’m comfortable with. If I’m speaking to someone for the first time, or someone who I have met on only a few occasions, I tend to find more things to say, to break the silence, or, to insure that the other person doesn’t think that I’m mute. Inevitably, “small talk” ensues. I dislike talking small, especially when forced to talk about myself. I can almost recite a segment of the exact conversation that happens 95% of the time after introductions (persons involved in the medical field usually fall under that other 5%):
Other person: So, what do you do?
Me: I’m a graduate student.
Other: Oh, what are you studying?
Me: Statistics- specifically Biostatistics.
Other: Oh (with confused expression).
And the remainder of the conversation proceeds with one of the following responses:
Other: 1. What IS that?
2. What did you say?
3. So, what exactly do you DO with, um, Bio… statistics?
4. Oh, man. I took a statistics class once. I failed it (cringe).
5. Well, I guess SOMEBODY’s gotta do it!
Or, the best one is this very simple response which ends the conversation completely:
Other: Wow.
Of course, I always willingly answer questions or respond appropriately to comments, but I am constantly dreaming about the day when I can respond to “What do you do?” with “I’m a mommy. I have x beautiful children and a wonderful husband.” And then there would be no confused faces or cringing.
2 comments:
Well, you've already got a wonderful husband. Now only x kids to go!
I've never been comfortable with my skills at small talk, but one thing I'm sure of: small-talk is the grease that keeps us all in community, able to begin to understand each other and get along, to get work and play done...as well as making empathy possible. It is always worth the effort, and I am one for whom it is always a self-conscious effort.
I bet that when you're a mommy with x beautiful children, you'll still encounter those confused or cringing responses :-). I got them. There are plenty of people out there who don't know what to say to someone who is not in the "work" world :-). I guess it's all about thinking of questions to ask them about themselves and their family, and also having an arsenal of anecdotes that reveal universals about humanity. At some level, we all have the same experiences. Don't hesitate to talk about yourself, to joke about yourself and/or about what you do. You have a good sense of humor and are a good tease.
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